Struggles From the Land of the Living
I feel like the last month has been a series of living from one deadline to the next, with no thought or time to plan in advance. I feel like the meltdown that is imminent will not ever occur - not because I have been successful in dealing with it, but because there has been no time to take care of what needs to be taken care of for it to heal properly. To say that I am stressed is a severe understatement ... when I hear others say that they are 'stressed' and I ask them what that looks like in their life, I laugh. Oh, to live their life of stress!! That would be my bliss right now!!!
I have to snapshot a theme from the last week to this.
Last week, I needed some time to prep something for Summerstock on Friday, so I decided to show a movie for the sake of showing a movie. No other reason. (I have NEVER done that in a class ~ there is always a reason to watch a movie in my class.) I did not have anything that was a good 'filler', so I ended up showing the movie Rosewood with Ving Rhames and Jon Voight on the decimation of the town of Rosewood in Florida in the mid-1930/40's. I thought that it could provide a forum to talk about how drama/acting/art can be used to contribute to a better world. In the meantime I thought I could spend the time prepping for the later rehearsal.
Well, for those that have seen the movie, you have an idea of what I sent my Gr.8/9 students into. For those of you who have not, suffice it to say that this movie hits the viewer in the gut, often in more ways than one. I spent a lot of time with them, ensuring that I did not psychologically damage anyone and send them home that weekend in a way that would result with phonecalls throughout the next 2 days from angry parents. The movie is rated R in the States and 14A here. What I did use the film for was a discussion on the rating system - what is it that makes a rating, and what supports which rating in this film. What I was not expecting to use the film for is how it has now impacted my life - both through the class and our discussions as well as Sunday and this week.
What we did discuss in culture and discipline. What we did discuss is seeking the extraordinary in the ordinary. What we did discuss is how we can use a movie such as this to become better people ourselves. What we did discuss is that this is still happening in the world around us - hatred towards the Blacks in the USA and other enthnic groups here, too; hatred towards various groups in other countries. Whoever is not 'us' is a possible and potential target.
On Sunday, I went to Westside for their evening celebration. They are doing a series right now on "Theological Theatre" and the film they used on that day was Hotel Rwanda. I did not get a chance to see it prior to the message, but the message hit me hard. Coming on the heels of Rosewood, in a vein similar, to say that I am affected is an understatement. On Friday, I alluded to challenging my students ... on Sunday, I was challenged ... on Monday, I made the circle complete.
Now comes the wrestling with what am I going to do now? Now comes the contemplation of how am I going to take this and do something with it? I was horribly 'hit' with the realization of the life of gluttony I have been living in as of late ... and to have these films and thoughts come slamming into me right now is a pain that is not easy to explain.
Here is a question and my response that I posted on a discussion board that might bring it to clarity better right now, as I am still all over the board on it at this moment.
Question: (from May 28th)
I asked this question of my students this last week ... and got a variety of answers. So I thought I'd ask it here ... what is the one thing that YOU are passionate about? the one thing that you'd 'go to the mat for', the one hill you'd die on? What is the one thing you are passionate about?
My personal reflection and response: (from May30th)
First, it's not my intention to change the direction of this thread. I just had something happen to me today that might in the long run drastically influence my own personal response to this question.
The community of faith that I attend is currently doing a series called 'Theological Theatre' - which is basically taking a look at films and then applying it to our lives. Films examined to date include: "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", "Saved" and "Kill Bill I and II". Today, we did "Hotel Rwanda".
When I read over the responses written here, something 'clicked' inside me. Please please do not take what I am to say the wrong way! It is coming after a very profound last few days and I'm not sure where it will lead me, but it certainly is influencing my response to this question.It seems to me that the response (generally speaking) both here and in my classroom when I asked this was generally an extension of 'what do I like a lot', or 'what defines me'. Something about me. Something about what I have that I value.
From this board, the passions here are what you have - you have a faith, you have Jesus; or what defines you - you are spiritual, you are a Christian. In my class similar things - they have a love for soccar, they are from a certain culture, they have a passion for joy in their lives.Today I had the rug ripped out from under me.
It seems to me that if one is TRULY passionate about something, it pushes you out of your comfort zone to do something in a way that will impact the world around you. That movie - Hotel Rwanda. To realize that the Western Culture (including Christians too), saw it on their news at dinner time, and DID NOTHING appauls me. Sickens me. Millions of people killed ... as we watched a white bronco get chased down the streets of LA and later were introduced to Jonny Cochrane and the white glove. THAT was more important to us ... we SAY that our passion is this ... but what do we DO about it? Have we been lulled into a place of indifference where it is all about me and only me? Have we turned into a society that listens only to the WIIFM station? (What's In It For Me) Who are the current widows, orphans and strangers in our world? What will it take to physically and spiritually mobilize the North American Christians to attend to the poor and afflicted in our world (and in our own back yards) and at what cost?
These are not questions to answer here, but for you, the reader to reflect on. At the table I sat at, we said that the NAChristian is perhaps the hardest to motivate to action, for he has become 'fat' ... it is all about feeding himself more and more, it has become all about giving the answer and not being the solution. So much easier to say "I'll pray for you" and stay in the cozy comforts of your comfort zone. Even my father today, when I posed a like question to him, said "I'm lazy. I'm old enough that I don't have to do anything if I don't want to." My community of faith has this month sent their 4th team to Africa in the last 5 months. From one of their last letters home: "We often observe and pray for these people from the comfort of our homes and expect God to start performing miracles; to be blunt this can really do only so much. Prayer and spirituality and Christianity are based on community. These people need the presence of humanity. I think that we are all starting to see the power of community and how people supporting people can do wonders. ... They all rely on God with so much power, and truly get very little in return. I was finding myself thinking of North American Christianity and how our time with God is only present when it can fit into our schedule, yet we are blessed with a material life these people can only dream of."
I showed the film Rosewood in my class this last week. I had a girl that got more choked up over the killing of the dog than over the hundreds of people strung up and lynched in the rest of the film. I don't know what to say.
All I know is that when I answer this question for myself, I want my passion to be clearly evident because of what I do. In the film Hotel Rwanda, there is a scene where Paul, the hotel owner, opens the door and on the floor are about 2 dozen children refugees. A maid comes and says, "What do you want me to do with them?". Paul responds, "Bathe them, take care of them, feed them ... put them to bed." What am I doing to 'bathe' the orphans and widows and strangers around me? am I taking care of them? am I feeding them? am I putting them to bed?"
"Religion that pleases God the Father must be pure and spotless. You must help needy orphans and widows. ... but if you treat some people better than others, you have done wrong. My friends, what good is it to say that you have faith when you don't do anything to show that you have faith?" I'm asking myself: when was the last time I helped the needy orphans and widows in my world? Do I treat some people better than others? When was the last time I DID something rather than merely talked about it? When was the last time I got completely out of my comfort zone and gave myself to the action of that which I claim to be passionate about?
Like I said, it is not my intention to change the course of this thread, or to point fingers. It is only my intention to share a bit of a self-discovery on this topic that has broadsided me over the past 2-3 days on this question. I don't have an answer yet.
"If we don't get to grips with it, we have to question our own values and our own civilization. Stop asking God to bless what you're doing. Find out what God's doing. It's already blessed. ... I think God is waiting for us to act. I think God is on his knees to the church, begging the church to act." (Bono)
When I contemplate selecting or vocalizing that hill to die on, I get tears in my eyes. For I know it will cost me everything. When I take that stand, in the name of Christ, what will I put my all behind in His name? Right now?? I don't know ... but I know the cost. I DO know what it won't be. I don't want to GIVE THE ANSWER; I want to BE the answer and LIVE the answer. I just have to figure out what the question is for me.If you read this, thank you. I'll now return you to your normally scheduled programming.
I still don't have an answer. But it sure has coloured my last week. I don't know what will be happening to me in the next year or where my life will be taking me. I don't know if the question that I will ask and the answer I will be have to do with Summerstock, with teaching at Westmount, with teaching someplace else, or ... radical thought ... lead me into a whole new life, with new people and new purpose. I know who I am ... I know my life is in Christ. Other than that, I'm open to giving myself to wherever and whatever He is already doing.
I need to figure out the question.
Will I be here, in Canada? Will I be on this continent? Will I go someplace else? Whatever it is, I will do. Here I am, God. Send me.
I have to snapshot a theme from the last week to this.
Last week, I needed some time to prep something for Summerstock on Friday, so I decided to show a movie for the sake of showing a movie. No other reason. (I have NEVER done that in a class ~ there is always a reason to watch a movie in my class.) I did not have anything that was a good 'filler', so I ended up showing the movie Rosewood with Ving Rhames and Jon Voight on the decimation of the town of Rosewood in Florida in the mid-1930/40's. I thought that it could provide a forum to talk about how drama/acting/art can be used to contribute to a better world. In the meantime I thought I could spend the time prepping for the later rehearsal.
Well, for those that have seen the movie, you have an idea of what I sent my Gr.8/9 students into. For those of you who have not, suffice it to say that this movie hits the viewer in the gut, often in more ways than one. I spent a lot of time with them, ensuring that I did not psychologically damage anyone and send them home that weekend in a way that would result with phonecalls throughout the next 2 days from angry parents. The movie is rated R in the States and 14A here. What I did use the film for was a discussion on the rating system - what is it that makes a rating, and what supports which rating in this film. What I was not expecting to use the film for is how it has now impacted my life - both through the class and our discussions as well as Sunday and this week.
What we did discuss in culture and discipline. What we did discuss is seeking the extraordinary in the ordinary. What we did discuss is how we can use a movie such as this to become better people ourselves. What we did discuss is that this is still happening in the world around us - hatred towards the Blacks in the USA and other enthnic groups here, too; hatred towards various groups in other countries. Whoever is not 'us' is a possible and potential target.
On Sunday, I went to Westside for their evening celebration. They are doing a series right now on "Theological Theatre" and the film they used on that day was Hotel Rwanda. I did not get a chance to see it prior to the message, but the message hit me hard. Coming on the heels of Rosewood, in a vein similar, to say that I am affected is an understatement. On Friday, I alluded to challenging my students ... on Sunday, I was challenged ... on Monday, I made the circle complete.
Now comes the wrestling with what am I going to do now? Now comes the contemplation of how am I going to take this and do something with it? I was horribly 'hit' with the realization of the life of gluttony I have been living in as of late ... and to have these films and thoughts come slamming into me right now is a pain that is not easy to explain.
Here is a question and my response that I posted on a discussion board that might bring it to clarity better right now, as I am still all over the board on it at this moment.
Question: (from May 28th)
I asked this question of my students this last week ... and got a variety of answers. So I thought I'd ask it here ... what is the one thing that YOU are passionate about? the one thing that you'd 'go to the mat for', the one hill you'd die on? What is the one thing you are passionate about?
My personal reflection and response: (from May30th)
First, it's not my intention to change the direction of this thread. I just had something happen to me today that might in the long run drastically influence my own personal response to this question.
The community of faith that I attend is currently doing a series called 'Theological Theatre' - which is basically taking a look at films and then applying it to our lives. Films examined to date include: "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", "Saved" and "Kill Bill I and II". Today, we did "Hotel Rwanda".
When I read over the responses written here, something 'clicked' inside me. Please please do not take what I am to say the wrong way! It is coming after a very profound last few days and I'm not sure where it will lead me, but it certainly is influencing my response to this question.It seems to me that the response (generally speaking) both here and in my classroom when I asked this was generally an extension of 'what do I like a lot', or 'what defines me'. Something about me. Something about what I have that I value.
From this board, the passions here are what you have - you have a faith, you have Jesus; or what defines you - you are spiritual, you are a Christian. In my class similar things - they have a love for soccar, they are from a certain culture, they have a passion for joy in their lives.Today I had the rug ripped out from under me.
It seems to me that if one is TRULY passionate about something, it pushes you out of your comfort zone to do something in a way that will impact the world around you. That movie - Hotel Rwanda. To realize that the Western Culture (including Christians too), saw it on their news at dinner time, and DID NOTHING appauls me. Sickens me. Millions of people killed ... as we watched a white bronco get chased down the streets of LA and later were introduced to Jonny Cochrane and the white glove. THAT was more important to us ... we SAY that our passion is this ... but what do we DO about it? Have we been lulled into a place of indifference where it is all about me and only me? Have we turned into a society that listens only to the WIIFM station? (What's In It For Me) Who are the current widows, orphans and strangers in our world? What will it take to physically and spiritually mobilize the North American Christians to attend to the poor and afflicted in our world (and in our own back yards) and at what cost?
These are not questions to answer here, but for you, the reader to reflect on. At the table I sat at, we said that the NAChristian is perhaps the hardest to motivate to action, for he has become 'fat' ... it is all about feeding himself more and more, it has become all about giving the answer and not being the solution. So much easier to say "I'll pray for you" and stay in the cozy comforts of your comfort zone. Even my father today, when I posed a like question to him, said "I'm lazy. I'm old enough that I don't have to do anything if I don't want to." My community of faith has this month sent their 4th team to Africa in the last 5 months. From one of their last letters home: "We often observe and pray for these people from the comfort of our homes and expect God to start performing miracles; to be blunt this can really do only so much. Prayer and spirituality and Christianity are based on community. These people need the presence of humanity. I think that we are all starting to see the power of community and how people supporting people can do wonders. ... They all rely on God with so much power, and truly get very little in return. I was finding myself thinking of North American Christianity and how our time with God is only present when it can fit into our schedule, yet we are blessed with a material life these people can only dream of."
I showed the film Rosewood in my class this last week. I had a girl that got more choked up over the killing of the dog than over the hundreds of people strung up and lynched in the rest of the film. I don't know what to say.
All I know is that when I answer this question for myself, I want my passion to be clearly evident because of what I do. In the film Hotel Rwanda, there is a scene where Paul, the hotel owner, opens the door and on the floor are about 2 dozen children refugees. A maid comes and says, "What do you want me to do with them?". Paul responds, "Bathe them, take care of them, feed them ... put them to bed." What am I doing to 'bathe' the orphans and widows and strangers around me? am I taking care of them? am I feeding them? am I putting them to bed?"
"Religion that pleases God the Father must be pure and spotless. You must help needy orphans and widows. ... but if you treat some people better than others, you have done wrong. My friends, what good is it to say that you have faith when you don't do anything to show that you have faith?" I'm asking myself: when was the last time I helped the needy orphans and widows in my world? Do I treat some people better than others? When was the last time I DID something rather than merely talked about it? When was the last time I got completely out of my comfort zone and gave myself to the action of that which I claim to be passionate about?
Like I said, it is not my intention to change the course of this thread, or to point fingers. It is only my intention to share a bit of a self-discovery on this topic that has broadsided me over the past 2-3 days on this question. I don't have an answer yet.
"If we don't get to grips with it, we have to question our own values and our own civilization. Stop asking God to bless what you're doing. Find out what God's doing. It's already blessed. ... I think God is waiting for us to act. I think God is on his knees to the church, begging the church to act." (Bono)
When I contemplate selecting or vocalizing that hill to die on, I get tears in my eyes. For I know it will cost me everything. When I take that stand, in the name of Christ, what will I put my all behind in His name? Right now?? I don't know ... but I know the cost. I DO know what it won't be. I don't want to GIVE THE ANSWER; I want to BE the answer and LIVE the answer. I just have to figure out what the question is for me.If you read this, thank you. I'll now return you to your normally scheduled programming.
I still don't have an answer. But it sure has coloured my last week. I don't know what will be happening to me in the next year or where my life will be taking me. I don't know if the question that I will ask and the answer I will be have to do with Summerstock, with teaching at Westmount, with teaching someplace else, or ... radical thought ... lead me into a whole new life, with new people and new purpose. I know who I am ... I know my life is in Christ. Other than that, I'm open to giving myself to wherever and whatever He is already doing.
I need to figure out the question.
Will I be here, in Canada? Will I be on this continent? Will I go someplace else? Whatever it is, I will do. Here I am, God. Send me.
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