Happy New Year!
I didn't write on Christmas ... not that there was nothing memorable about it ... there most definitely was ... but to focus my mind was something I honestly just didn't take the time for.
So, here we are. Welcome to 2005 ... another year gone, and another lying ahead. Close the book on one and begin the book on another. What will this one bring? Do I sit and write New Year Resolutions? or do I set some goals? or do I make a mark at this time of my life in another way? Or maybe I just leave it open ... work on decluttering what has been and open spaces for new things that are not yet present to come in.
Last year, at this time, I was so frustrated with my life - of where it was headed (or not headed), of the listlessness of it all, of a spinning of the wheels. I remember writing in my yearly letter that I wanted my life to change .... I didn't know how or where, but I could not go on with the way that it was. It was going to be a 'do-or-die' year ... not 'die' literally, but figuratively. Give up, throw in the towel, let things come as they will and quit dreaming big dreams.
This year ... I am feeling that the change wasn't HUGE ... not like the tsunami the globe experienced on Dec. 26 ... but that there have been changes. Small changes that could lead to big things. Like what? Hmm ... consider the following ...
~ God has been good and blessed me with work. I know this to be true, because these jobs landed in my lap and really did nothing to get them. No resume, no interview ... they just came. ~ I am sensing a confidence in myself that heretofore has been either asleep or absent all together. I think that the pictures I took really influenced this.
~ I am dreaming again ... I feel an anticipation and expectation that has been quite absent from my feelings over the last few years. I am still frustrated and vent frequently in my Morning Pages, but I am sensing good things around the corner.
~ And I'm sensing big things to come. It is almost as if there is an urging to let it all go ... to give it all up. I've often said that there is nothing that I want to have that I would feel like I could never let it go ... well, now I'm feeling as if I need to put that into practice. And not necessarily like I did with hopping on a plane and going to Korea. But something more. Something different.
~ I am experiencing an awareness that is not of me. Jim called it 'freaky' ... I am oblivious to what he is referring to, but I sense it when I encounter it. I believe with all my heart that it is a gift of God ... for I know that it has nothing to do with me. And I don't get it at all ... I don't understand it when it happens. Makes no sense ... to me either. All I know is that when I am prompted, I need to respond.
~ Other small things ... like cleaning, like discoveries, like dreams, like 'chance meetings', like death, like life. Like quests and pilgrimages and hunger and exhaustion.
I don't know where it is headed ... but it is headed in a direction. And I know that I am not going into this phase of my journey alone. I may sometimes feel alone, but I also know that that is not true. What I 'feel' and 'know' are not the same things.
I know that where ever I go, God is there already. That He is bigger than anything that is of this earth. That He knew me and loved me before I was conceived. Wherever He will lead me, I will follow ...
.... let's see where He leads me this year. I am His.
So, here we are. Welcome to 2005 ... another year gone, and another lying ahead. Close the book on one and begin the book on another. What will this one bring? Do I sit and write New Year Resolutions? or do I set some goals? or do I make a mark at this time of my life in another way? Or maybe I just leave it open ... work on decluttering what has been and open spaces for new things that are not yet present to come in.
Last year, at this time, I was so frustrated with my life - of where it was headed (or not headed), of the listlessness of it all, of a spinning of the wheels. I remember writing in my yearly letter that I wanted my life to change .... I didn't know how or where, but I could not go on with the way that it was. It was going to be a 'do-or-die' year ... not 'die' literally, but figuratively. Give up, throw in the towel, let things come as they will and quit dreaming big dreams.
This year ... I am feeling that the change wasn't HUGE ... not like the tsunami the globe experienced on Dec. 26 ... but that there have been changes. Small changes that could lead to big things. Like what? Hmm ... consider the following ...
~ God has been good and blessed me with work. I know this to be true, because these jobs landed in my lap and really did nothing to get them. No resume, no interview ... they just came. ~ I am sensing a confidence in myself that heretofore has been either asleep or absent all together. I think that the pictures I took really influenced this.
~ I am dreaming again ... I feel an anticipation and expectation that has been quite absent from my feelings over the last few years. I am still frustrated and vent frequently in my Morning Pages, but I am sensing good things around the corner.
~ And I'm sensing big things to come. It is almost as if there is an urging to let it all go ... to give it all up. I've often said that there is nothing that I want to have that I would feel like I could never let it go ... well, now I'm feeling as if I need to put that into practice. And not necessarily like I did with hopping on a plane and going to Korea. But something more. Something different.
~ I am experiencing an awareness that is not of me. Jim called it 'freaky' ... I am oblivious to what he is referring to, but I sense it when I encounter it. I believe with all my heart that it is a gift of God ... for I know that it has nothing to do with me. And I don't get it at all ... I don't understand it when it happens. Makes no sense ... to me either. All I know is that when I am prompted, I need to respond.
~ Other small things ... like cleaning, like discoveries, like dreams, like 'chance meetings', like death, like life. Like quests and pilgrimages and hunger and exhaustion.
I don't know where it is headed ... but it is headed in a direction. And I know that I am not going into this phase of my journey alone. I may sometimes feel alone, but I also know that that is not true. What I 'feel' and 'know' are not the same things.
I know that where ever I go, God is there already. That He is bigger than anything that is of this earth. That He knew me and loved me before I was conceived. Wherever He will lead me, I will follow ...
.... let's see where He leads me this year. I am His.
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