on the Pilgrimage

Wow! Spam on blogger sites ... that's a first for me! (I'm referring to the comment given on the previous blog of mine). I wonder if there is a way that that comment can be deleted ... will have to look into that one of these days. I envy people who can sit and read a book all day or watch TV all day and not feel guilty. But I think that there also are not many people in this world that are so organized and free from those pressing issues and endless 'to do lists' that actually live like that, so there's not many people I am envious of. Rather, I think that most of the people in this world (and by that, I am referring to our Western Culture, be sure! for I know that people in Africa or India are NOT like this!) ... most of the people in this world are like me. They cannot seem to catch up to what needed to get done last week, and to get ahead of 'the game' is near impossible. A faint dream, if that. I have read old journals that I've kept over the ...

Here we are again ... mid/late June. And my world is full of the same things ... (1) end of the classes (2) end of the courses - which mean exams (3) marking and grading like there is no tomorrow (4) report cards and number crunching (5) finishing classes ... and what would all this be without ... (6) looming unemployment AGAIN?!?!?!???!!!! And the insanity is such that I don't have the time or energy to seek more work. All I want to do is do what I need to do and go to bed. Grades are due at 9am tomorrow. I will make it but just. And that is depending on the little pile of Drama I I'm finishing up before bed. Honestly, there is so much I wanted to do, so much I wanted to achieve and complete with them, and I look over what they are graded on, and it is pathetic. How much better I could have done had I had time to pull things together or plan or prepare like I now know I need to. Things to contemplate and consider: (1) PLANNING and follow through (short range/long range) ...

I look around me and most people seem to ask simple questions and live simple lives. Yes, they have stress and are caught up in the 'soap opera'-ness of all that is their life. But, basically, it seems simple to me. And, at this point, that is not a bad thing. I long for a life like that. But no. I get 'blessed' with a life that appears to be simple. I get 'blessed' with the 'gift' of thinking. How many times have I been told, "You think too much!" ... and often I see that as a compliment. Right now, with the way my head is reeling and hurting, I wish I could turn it off. From another forum that is part of my current headache: I'm currently reading a book that is greatly affecting me and giving me a number of 'ah-ah' moments and a lot to ponder and contemplate. I am not that far into it, but would like to put forth some of the questions that the book poses ... partially to share, but also because I wonder how people here would re...

I feel like the last month has been a series of living from one deadline to the next, with no thought or time to plan in advance. I feel like the meltdown that is imminent will not ever occur - not because I have been successful in dealing with it, but because there has been no time to take care of what needs to be taken care of for it to heal properly. To say that I am stressed is a severe understatement ... when I hear others say that they are 'stressed' and I ask them what that looks like in their life, I laugh. Oh, to live their life of stress!! That would be my bliss right now!!! I have to snapshot a theme from the last week to this. Last week, I needed some time to prep something for Summerstock on Friday, so I decided to show a movie for the sake of showing a movie. No other reason. (I have NEVER done that in a class ~ there is always a reason to watch a movie in my class.) I did not have anything that was a good 'filler', so I ended up showing the movie ...

I know I haven't written for a bit, and other than 'busy', I have no real good reason why. I guess I feel a bit of a pressure to write something pithy or contemplative ... maybe these are some issues I need to look at more closely ... another time. I came across a kewl site today ... actually, I had it saved in my 'favorites' and just never did any poking around in it. Well, today - during a bit of time-wastage - I thought it looked intriguing. Well, it is delightful. Great dialogue, wonderful articles and some real thought-provoking stuff. Oh, the site is www.ginkworld.net ... check it out. There is one article written by one of the moderators that I'm going to repost here ... something that kinda hit me in a good way ... THE TEN COMMITMENTS ... commit your life to God - Hebrews 12:3 - this is central to who we are as Christians. we tend to commit to work, to family, to friends, to other activities and some even commit to their church- but God wants to ...

I was asked the above question last night by a friend ... Friend: Do you want to have children? (A hush fills the air) Me: I would love to have children, but I will not do it without a husband Friend: I hear ya Me: I will not do it without a husband. I used to say that no, I didn't want to go through the pain ... but as I've grown older, it is something that I would do provided that it was something that my husband wanted and would be as committed to as I would be ... it would really have to be something we both would be united on. Friend: to have or have not; that is the question Me: well, right now I have not Today, I reflected back on my statement. Do I? What do I want? I remember writing in this blog a while ago on this, about how I almost don't envy people who have children now. How hard it is to raise a child in today's culture. And then last night, the above question. When I was asked the question, I felt like I got drenched with cold water. This is a que...

I didn't write on Christmas ... not that there was nothing memorable about it ... there most definitely was ... but to focus my mind was something I honestly just didn't take the time for. So, here we are. Welcome to 2005 ... another year gone, and another lying ahead. Close the book on one and begin the book on another. What will this one bring? Do I sit and write New Year Resolutions? or do I set some goals? or do I make a mark at this time of my life in another way? Or maybe I just leave it open ... work on decluttering what has been and open spaces for new things that are not yet present to come in. Last year, at this time, I was so frustrated with my life - of where it was headed (or not headed), of the listlessness of it all, of a spinning of the wheels. I remember writing in my yearly letter that I wanted my life to change .... I didn't know how or where, but I could not go on with the way that it was. It was going to be a 'do-or-die' year ... not ...

I don't know if it is the day or the mood or what ... did this come about because of a discussion or a chance encounter or what nudged me into this? ... And if I look back over the last couple of days, there really isn't anything that would bring this upon me. I know that similar thoughts have flitted through my mind over the last while, but they seem to be becoming clearer and more pronounced - today being one of the stronger ones. Now that I've succeeded in making no sense, let's see if I can muddy the water even more. I went into teaching in around 1983 - and to be honest, I'm not sure why. To speak in a public manner before a lot of people was something I could never do. I didn't even speak out in class ... so what made me think of going into teaching, I don't know. I was horrifically self-conscious ... and we know that students are some of the most critical and miserable people on earth ... I really wish I could remember what WAS going through my ...

Ok, I’m going to address a dilemma that seems to be becoming more noticeable. A way to think of it is: a problem within the Christian community of which I seem to be becoming more and more aware; over time, I’ve begun to ‘see’ something that I have never seen before, and I’m getting a distinct feeling that not everyone can ‘see’ it … does that mean I’m psychic? I doubt it … am going I crazy?? … I hope not!! … am I even perceiving this right at all??? After all, it is much easier to say that I’m the one that’s off, and not what I’m seeing as being off. To be honest, I’d rather think of it as an awareness beyond me … especially when it comes upon me with vivid clarity and other times is a faint shadowed thread. A simple statement on this would be ‘it has to do with the subversive infiltration of Gnosticism into the faith of post-modern Christianity.’ This is something I am genuinely struggling with and have no answer for … Where do I begin with something this size? How do I br...

We all have 60 min. in an hour - 1440 minutes in a day ... and for some reason, it seems that I am accomplishing less and less every day, though I'm sure that I am not LOSING minutes anywhere. My life seems to have gone from 'there' to ... 'where did that go?' ... from having something to do to not having enough time to complete anything (or should that read 'everything'?). I was reading a friend's blog yesterday and realized that it was a bit since I wrote in my own ... not that it really matters, as this is more for my pleasure than for anyone else's. I would like to come and do some personal reflection here ... Things to contemplate: (in other words, things that are on my heart right now) ~ going to a movie alone ~ Christianity and Gnosticism ~ Evalutation (as in a student in school ... and me in life -- can you tell it's report card time?) ~ Giftedness vs. Intelligence vs. Talents ~ What bothers me about 'intelligence' - as p...

(the following was originally written on Aug. 13, 2004 ... and updated today) I know that I am not the first to contemplate this ... nor will I be the last. Do you ever wonder if you were born in the wrong time and place? Or, at the very least, look on other time periods and wonder if they had it 'better' ... whatever that might mean. Today I went to a local heritage site ... a place that is a step back in history. They have collected buildings from throughout the beginning days and years of this province's history and placed them in one location, recreating a town of sorts from those days long gone. I have to admit, there is a part of me that yearns to have lived in another time. I have entertained thoughts of what life might have been like during a variety of times and places ... medieval Europe, time of the Reformation, or Renaissance, days of exploration and discovery, Edwardian or Elizabethan England, Victorian times (American or British), or when America was be...

When I look around my life, and the people in it, I wonder what defines each individual … what is the essence of who each person is. If one could strip away all the peripherals, what is the one thing that would be left? When I look at some of the people that are in my ‘world’, the term “Christian” comes to mind, as it is a label that a fair amount of people I know identify themselves as such. For example, I occasionally host in a Christian chat room … and there is one host that uses that question as perhaps one of the first out of her mouth … ‘Are you a Christian?’ … and I wonder how that affects the other. (Now there’s a whole entry on its own!! ~ how to be ‘in the world’, how to tear down the walls of the ‘church’ and relocate it in society and not behind closed doors … how to destroy the Christian ghettos that are all over … but I digress … ) I know that in discussion with others that know of a Christian by label only, there is some confusion as to what a Christian is … in f...